Shalom

lightness

A couple of images of light to illustrate my post. The first is my now somewhat burned down Advent candles. The second shot is really a sunset taken from the balcony outside my room looking west. It was beautiful and unusual.

DIL and I have been back to my former home and have collected everything that was on my list except my childhood oak desk which we could not manage between us. It's in the attic and needs my sons to get it down the steep access ladder.

My clothes had been thrown into bags, a fact which made me angry, until DIL pointed out it reduced the time we had to spend there. I have spent a long time going in through them.

This has had a surprising result to me. I have thrown out a lot of stuff. I've sorted what can really be used by others and this will go to Reverse Garbage or Vinnies or similar. The rest I have thrown. It was not really good for anything much at all.

As I went through things I remembered many events. Some good, some bad, happy and sad. At the end I felt relief. I felt a lightness as I freed myself from some of the memories by stuffing the clothing into rubbish bags. Some things should have been replaced long ago, but I always felt guilty about spending money on myself. Perhaps, it was not that I felt guilt, but had guilt laid on me and I accepted it as being easier to cope with than the scenes I knew could follow.

I do feel "lighter." It's something I should have done ages ago. I know I'll be looked after, I always have been. It's hard to put aside the thought that perhaps something should be kept "just in case." A heavy weight has been lifted from my mind by freeing myself of those physical things and I definitely feel a lightness in my spirit. Yes, this can be knocked around by an email etc, but there is a light to follow and walk in.

so many years in so few boxes

Two days ago, my daughter-in-law and I returned to my former home to hopefully finalise packing my things. we had been there a week before and packed most of my books and some other stuff. My husband was surprisingly polite, too polite in my estimation. However, he stayed out of our way and we packed up in pouring rain. The grey skies suited my mood. I had been extremely nervous for several days before we went but had been buoyed by the support of many friends and my family. Some friends rang me from interstate on the morning and this touched my deeply.

This week I did not feel too bad as we went. However we had a fairly sullen and surly reception although we were not hindered. This time I took my clothes and the remaining things on my list of items. Sentimental value was attached to most and some were family heirlooms.

I was surprised at my reaction yestrday. I felt as if a piece of string had snapped. I was weepy and morose. Today I was just plain tired from lack of sleep but I started sorting. He had thrown my clothes into bags and I had to go through everything. I have a smallish room opening onto a large balcony. It is important to me that I keep this room as pleasant as possible. It's my private retreat. Lots of boxes are already in the garage and I'm trying to go through others and see that I keep only what I really want.

As my heading says, so many years in so few boxes. A few dozen boxes of books, and about the same again of keepsakes, a good dinner set, heirlooms and some clothes. Is this all for that time? I took my sewing machine, but left a lot of kitchenware and saucepans. All my spices are still in the cupboard and the breadmaker. Everyday essentials like pegs and laundry baskets I left behind.

Why? They are just things. To me they are not worth fighting over. They can be replaced. Many of my books are out of print and hard to find. How could I replace the Mother's Day cards made by my sons in kindergarten? What about my small steam tug from my own childhood which runs on candle power and chugs noisily around in a bathtub of water? It is from such things that memories come. Anything else can be replaced or done without. Memories there are in plenty and they have come rushing to the surface as I sorted. There are good memories among them. Things were not always bad.

However, after my sorting today and the apology offered by the Prime Minister to Aborigines, I am exhausted. It has been an emotional day.

sorry

Today may well be the beginning of a new way forward in Australia. Today, the Prime Minister offered an apology for the treatment given in the past to Aborigines by the government. It was an apology refused by the previous government for many years who seemed to equate "sorry" with "compensation." It was apology and recognition of mistakes made, particularly in the removal of children from their parents. What could possibly compensate either parent or child for that evil?

There is so much I could say and I'm sure there were many who truly felt that they were acting for the good of such children. However, there were others who saw this as an opportunity to annihilate aboriginal languages and culture and to cause interracial marriages to weaken bloodlines. That discussion does not belong to today in my eyes.

I am truly glad to see this apology. I remember seeing the word "sorry" written by a skywriter after the Walk for Reconciliation across the Harbour Bridge some years ago. It caused a shiver of excitement and a huge cheer among the many thousands at Darling Harbour.

Reconciliation and moving forward will not be easy. Someone I know remarked that today grace had passed over our Parliament. Much grace from all of us will be required as hopefully together we live in this land as fellows.