Shalom

black dog and knitting

I know this is not a knitting blog, (although I do have one of those LOL), but I found this post this morning and wanted to link to it.

The black dog is nipping at my heels and getting in more than nips too. Bites, quite deep lately.

I have found knitting to be meditative. The slide of the yarn through my fingers, the similar action repeated over and over, the concentration on the patter and sometimes too, the repetitive action of an easy stitch withut concentration...all these have a meditative quality to them. As my prayer beads slip through my fingers as an aid to prayer, I find the yarn and stitches have a similar calming effect.

One of my sons suffers from bipolar disease and descends so far sometimes that I wonder how he will ever get back to the surface. I'm not suggesting he knits, although I know men who do. I'm posting this here as an acknowledgement of his struggles and the struggles of a multitude of others.

st james, king street

I went to St James, King Street, again yesterday. By myself, again yesterday. My husband, who has been insisting on finding a place which suits us both, was only too happy when I said I had no objections if he went to three separate church meetings which he wanted to attend.

I've said before that I grew up in an Anglican church, After years in a brethren group and then more years in churches now more to his liking, my past is calling me strongly. I enjoy the liturgy, the sense of being one with many through the ages, the Eucharist * every Sunday, (every service at St James each week), the amount of Scripture read and prayed through the service. I've been enjoying the choir's contribution too, although they were a bit lacklustre yesterday and one of the sopranos was having a bad day, sliding around the note till she finally found the right spot. Fortunately, the motet, Tantum ergo Sacramentum, words by Aquinas and music by Herbert Sumsion, seemed to have had a a bit more practice than some of the other pieces. I especially like the incense which to this time, has been outside my experience as a normal part of the service. As it swirls, I can sense my prayers, blending with thousands of others, ascending to God.

It does not really feel like home, but then, even home does not feel that way to me right now, despite many years there. I wish I could push aside the clouds which cover my future, so I could see it clearly. I think I know my next few steps, but am unsure whether to take them and when. However, I need to be somewhere, particularly now, and I find comfort there and a sense of participating with God's people.

I have always liked the poetry of such as George Herbert and John Donne. Some of this can make me weep. A Penguin edition of the metaphysical poets has been on my desk for a lng time, along with a similar volume of Gerard Manley Hopkins. My copy is a 1957 edition of the same book and editor.

The closing hymn yesterday was Herbert's King of glory, King of peace. I'll reprint the words but no link to anything being played as the synthesized versions were appalling.

King of glory, King of peace,
I will love Thee;
And that love may never cease,
I will move Thee.
Thou hast granted my request,
Thou hast heard me;
Thou didst note my working breast,
Thou hast spared me.

Wherefore with my utmost art
I will sing Thee,
And the cream of all my heart
I will bring Thee.
Though my sins against me cried,
Thou alone didst clear me;
And alone, when they replied,
Thou didst hear me.

Seven whole days, not one in seven,
I will praise Thee;
In my heart, though not in Heaven,
I can raise Thee.
Small it is, in this poor sort
To enroll Thee:
E’en eternity’s too short
To extol Thee.

* It's not easy to find many churches who do this at least every wek. If I lived near one where there was a midweek service, I would love to attend. Reasons given are varied. Some believe that it demeans the Feast if done too regularly. Personally, I can't follow the logic of that one. If one loves someone, then speaking to them often or making love flows naturally from that. Demeaning if done often? I don't think so.

Some seem to think that the time taken could be better spent on evangelism, whatever is meant by that term. What could be more evangelistic than the setting forth of the death of Christ? The service starts with confession and moves through to the partaking. We are nourished by the body and blood and sent forth to love and serve. St Paul declares he will preach the Cross. In this service it is proclaimed and we announce his eath til his return.

many, many thanks

Many thanks to all who commented on my desperate post below or who emailed me. I really appreciate everyone of you.

Some say there is no community on the net, but I have seen many times, support given when needed, both my me and by others. I know thet even from the comments below, there have been posters from several communities I am associated with. Thank you again.

There has been no resolution to what was troubling me so deeply. Actually, I can see two ways ahead. Both would be painful and long. All I know is that I cannot go on as in the past. I think I see where I want to be after this is ended, but again, pain and sorrow and lossare all involved.

Lisa, I think that everone I know would say they are an "amateur pray-er."

Thanks to you all.

prayer needed

While I cannot go into more detail here, I would appreciate prayer please for strength, a clear head, a spirit of prayer and not revenge and ever so much more. I am facing possibly the biggest crisis in my life.

st john's, parramatta - trinity sunday

Yesterday we visited St John's cathedral in Parramatta. My husband is part of the ministers' fraternal in the district, although I'm not sure why, and knows some there.

We were a bit late arriving, because we had planned to have coffee before the 11:00 am service. As we walked past, we saw there was a service at 9:30 so we went in. Apparently the later service, like the very early one is more traditional. This one seems to be aimed at familes, although the large noticebard outside says it is Morning Prayers oo communion. Note the plural "prayers." The traditional Anglican Morning Prayer is not what is meant.

A greeter gave us the usual forest of trees in the form of a service sheet and the parish booklet. St John's has been a centre of worship since 1803, probably the longest serving church in Sydney, although the cathedral dates from about 1850. Parramatta is the geographical centre of Sydney and has been declared a city for many years.

I didn't know and cannot now remember at all the opening song. There was, according to the booklet, a "leader" and a preacher. I had been expecting two scripture readings There was only one. Then the sermon. I found this order strange, but realise now it could have been because the sermon at least was broadcast.

Both leader and preacher wore a clerical collar. Thses are not very common down here now. I did expect vestments, but no luck. The collar looked out of place and quite strange. I haven't seen a clergyman wearing one of these for years.

It was Trinity Sunday yesterday, but if I hadn't been following the liturgical year apart from church services, I would never have known. Not a mention. There was a rather skimpy looking embroidery, I hesitate to call it a banner, hanging from the reading light in the pulpit. It depicted tongues of fire and was red so I surmised it might not have been tidied away after Pentecost Sunday a week ago. There wasn't any other colour in the church, so I doubt it was a special pentecost banner, unless it belonged to either the Chinese or Persian congregations associatd with the cathedral.

It was a really scrappy sermon on Matthew 11 which they seemed to be working through. It went for quite a while longer than I expected but was perhaps very hastily prepared and little research and exegesis done. For at least 15 minutes, the preacher rambled and went in a very crooked line. He did at least start with a piece from the news, unlike the preacher last week at another church who used illustrations obviously from some book of sermon stories.

My mind wandered and I enjoyed looking at the superb workmanship in stone and wood and glass. I was wondering what someone from say, 1870, would think of this hotchpotch of services when I realised that somewhere a huge leap had been taken in both logic and subject matter as the preacher announced he would pray a prayer of commitment. Those listening on the radio as well as those in the cathedral were invited to say the prayer. I was at least glad it was a bit more than the so-called "sinner's prayer." This was followed by "Just as I am, without one plea."

A member of the congregation prayed and we sang again, this time, "Give thanks with a grateful heart."

The congregation was led in a watered down version of the general confession but there was no absolution given. Not even the verses from John's epistle were read.

Notices were shown on the dataprojector and we rose to sing what I had hoped would be the redeeming feature of the service. "At the name of Jesus, every knee will bow." I really hope the broadcast had stopped by then because nobody much seemed to know the tune and certainly didn't know that the song starts on the second beat of the bar. Too early every time. At the last verse, people were getting the hang of it but the organist seemed to have decided if he couldn't beat them, to join them. So this time the congregation came in on time and the organ was early.

Coffee afterwards was in the hall and seemed to me to be Interdenominational Roast, served in foam cups. There were some rather nice examples of home baking for morning tea and a piece of sponge helped the coffee down. I don't like/drink instant coffee, unless put on the spot like this and my cup confirmed me in this..

My husband introduced me to the preacher whom he knew. He gulped when I asked him a few questions and said how much I had enjoyed St James, King Street. I was given a few glib answers and I really don't think he appreciated my further questions with a bit more theological backing to them. Chalk and cheese, as he saying goes.

We escaped as quickly as I could get my husband out. I really felt totally dissatisfied. We are trying to find a place to worship that we both enjoy. He enjoyed the appeal and commended the minister for it. To me, it certainly didn't fit in logic or response to the sermon. The whole service left me empty and I really think I got more from looking at the carvings etc and thinking of earlier parish life than I did from what was happening around me.

This annoyed me because I do believe that church is not about me. I go to worship in fellowship with other believers. There seemed to be little connection and no feeling of relationship within the congregation. The form of the service was very disappoininting to me. It was all over the place and nothing fitted together.

trinity sunday

Collect for Trinity Sunday

Almighty and everlasting God, who has given to us your servants grace by the confession of a true faith to acknowledge the glory of the eternal Trinity, and in the power of the Divine Majesty to worship the Unity; we beseech you that you would keep us stedfast in this faith and evermore defend us from all adversities, who lives and reigns, ever one God,world without end. Amen.

kidney transplant success

This article decribes a recent transplant done at Newcastle, NSW. I was interested when I saw the beginning of the article as it describes a transplant between two people of different blood groups. This has never worked before and doctors are hopeful that this technique may be a breakthrough. i was also interested because I have known transplant patients who have battled rejection problems after a transplant.

I was even more interested when i saw the name "Paul Trevillian." He's my cousin and has been a renal specialist for a long time.

saturday again

Another week rolls past. This was taken at sunrise this morning. The forecast was for a cloudy day, so I thought the sunrise could well be attractive. Sunrise is not really what I would call early now. Just before 7:00 am. However, as it's Saturday, I would have appreciated more time asleep.

The week has been fairly busy. I run a small canteen at a tertiary college, accredited to give degrees in theology, music, drama, visual arts, dance and post graduate diplomas and Masters in counselling. I'm a graduate, twice, from there and have done further study at another college. I originally have a BA from many years ago, teaching qualifications and qualifications in agriculture as well.

Many of the youngish students are surprised to find me running a canteen. I use those qualifications in many areas and this is one of them. On the spot tutorials, budgetary suggestions, how to write an essay, deep and meaningful talks in quieter times, how to research, how to search the net to find what is needed, how does a bibliography have to be set out. All these things are topics Ii cover regularly and there are more.

This week a young theology student told me he was reading Calvin. He asked me my opinion on Calvin. I thought I could see where he really was enquiring, but decided to come at it obliquely. I made a few comments about the translation. Was he using the modernised works? Then I suggested that all documents are read through a filter, whether we like it or not. Our own background, culture, the times we live in, issues from those times etc.

I suggested that perhaps some things which seem to be set in concrete might just be a reaction to something from the time. Some of the phrases is the creeds sound odd to contemporary ears today. They are a reaction to issues from then. None the less true, but phrased so we find them different. Perhaps the issues they address are not a problem nowadays but we recite the creed, knowing it encapsulates truth, but also not realising why that particular truth was included.

I asked him if he was bothered by Calvinist/Arminian questions. This hit the nail on the head. Again a sideways approach. I suggested there was some evidence for both sides as they are normally understood. So how do we decide? I really didn't want to get in to a discussion on reason, tradition, experience etc. Had he considered there might be a totally different solution to this and many other such questions? Sometimes we may never have the full answer down here. Sometimes I think that we need to hold apparent contradictions in tension. It's quite possible that there may be an answer which is quite different from what is normally held.

I could see some understanding in his face and he said I'd given him quite a lot to think about. I went back to stirring the soup.